I’m here to help you stingy and motivated vegans because I’m a stingy and motivated (almost) vegan.
1.Hummus- 5 bucks for one 16 ounce container? I don’t know about you, but that’ll last me approximately 2.3 minutes.
- Soak 3 cups of chickpeas or desired bean for 24 hours in filtered water. After soaked, drain water, rinse the beans, then refill with water again and cook in your crock pot for 6-8 hours. Drain water and rinse again.
- Put chickpeas in blender with 1/2 cup tahini, 8 cloves of garlic peeled, 1 tablespoon cumin, 2 teaspoons paprika, 1/4 cup olive oil, 1/4 cup lemon juice, and salt to taste. Blend until desired texture. You might need to add a little water depending on how good your blender is or to give it the consistency you prefer.
- Chill to immerse and blend flavors.
2. Nut milk
Warning; Must have really strong hands to squeeze nuts.
- Soak 1 cup almonds or nut of choice for 8 hours. Drain and rinse.
- Put nuts in blender with the filtered water and whatever flavoring you choose. Blend for a few minutes.
- Strain with a french press.
- Pour strained milk into jars and keep almond sediment to dehydrate for cooking meal, oatmeal, or add to smoothies.
- Use within 3 days.
- Optional: Buying a good quality vitamin or mineral and adding it to the milk will fortify your almond milk like most store bought nut milks do.
3. Ready-made “Canned” Beans
Do canned beans smell like cat food to anybody else?
- Soak bag of dried beans of choice in filtered water for 24 hours. Drain and rinse beans.
- Put your beans in the crock pot and refill with filtered water just enough to cover the beans and cook on high for 2-6 hours depending on type of bean. Lentils only need 2 hours whereas chickpeas need closer to 6.
- Pour beans into soups and stews galore or drain beans if using in a dry recipe.
- Optional: Cook beans in vegetable broth for more flavor cooked into the beans.
4. Sour cream
What do you mean Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday?? You’re saying it wrong, it’s T-ah-cko-deh
- Soak 2 cups cashews for 8 hours. Drain and rinse.
- Put cashews in blender with 1/2 cup water, 2 tablespoons lime juice, one tablespoon apple cider vinegar, and salt to taste. Blend until creamy.
- Let sit for at least 2 hours in the fridge for flavors to blend.
5. Bean burgers
Beans beans the magical fruit the more you eat the more you have enough protein to throw the next person who says they are a member of “PETA; People Eating Tasty Animals”!
- Soak black beans for 24 hours, drain, rinse, and mash them
- Add 2 tablespoons ground flax seed to 3 tablespoons water to make flax eggs. Then add 1 cup breadcrumbs, 1 tablespoon cumin, 2 teaspoons chili powder, 2 teaspoons garlic powder, 1 teaspoon smoked paprika, 1 teaspoon black pepper, 1/2 teaspoon salt to the black beans. Blend in food processor if a smoother consistency is desired.
- Mold into patties and bake at 350 for ten minutes. This pulls out some of the moisture so it with hold together better. Then fry in a pan for ten minutes.
6. Nut Butter
Buying almond butter is like paying somebody to rob you.
- Soak 3 cups of raw almonds for 8 hours, drain then rinse. Dry the almonds and put them in a food processor.
- You can add 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon, 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract, 2 tablespoons maple syrup, and 1/2 teaspoon salt. Blend to your desired consistency.
7. Ranch dressing
You just might die and go to heaven guzzling this stuff and shoving jars down your pant legs so you can still enjoy it in the afterlife.
- Whisk together 1/4 cup lemon juice, 1/4 cup tahini, 2 tablespoons dill, 1 tablespoon chives, 1-2 teaspoons dijon mustard, 1/2 teaspoon onion powder, 2 teaspoons garlic powder, and salt and pepper to taste. If you like it thicker you can add unflavored greek yogurt. Use within 4 days.
- *It is important to note that not all tahini is created equal. Some are super think and not so creamy. You definitely are going to want the creamier tahini to make this recipe work. My friend Dakotah said in Santa Cruz they had the best middle eastern store with the best giant jar of creamy tahini there so be like Dakotah and find yourself one of those.
Do you smell like your dead great grandpa?
- Mix equal parts baking soda (4 tablespoons) and arrowroot powder or cornstarch. Mix 6 tablespoons coconut oil and 10 drops of desired essential oil. My favorite is tea tree for it’s antibacterial properties.
“It puts the lotion on the skin, baby!”-Buffalo Bill on reviewing this lotion
- Put 3/4 cup cocoa butter or shae butter and 1/4 cup coconut oil in a steel bowl and put bowl in a pan with hot water on the stove to melt the ingredients together. Let melt completely and add 20 drops of your favorite essential oil. Optional:Add a capsule of vitamin E oil.
- Place bowl with all ingredients mixed thoroughly in the fridge and let sit until it has hardened over the top, but not completely through.
- Whisk with an electric whisk until it’s of a fluffy texture. Transfer into jar and lather up!